Stress and No Sleep

Earlier today I had a whole blog written out about what happened the last time I drank and how hard it was for me and how uncomfortable I still am but it got erased because I left it alone for too long and...I'm kind of glad it did. When I drink and withdrawal and detox and do it all over again, I have a tendency to make it all about me and how I feel. That's not fair. It's only later do I think about the people I hurt and the sacrifices they had to make for me. I have to go back and apologize but because it's happened so many times it doesn't even mean anything anymore. People can't even tell when I'm drunk or when I'm sober because I relapse so many times. Last night I couldn't sleep and I haven't slept yet just because I don't feel well but then I don't want to complain or ask my husband to hold me or help me because he doesn't deserve to be put in that position anymore. This is now something I have to do on my own and I hope that it is for the last time because I really want to show that I can do this; that I can stay sober. I want to stay sober and I need to.